Mad/Sad/Bad Part I

Well I just threw a fit on Facebook again. I’ll cut and paste it here.

I’ve got people tagging me in shit like this:

https://www.facebook.com/charliediggs/videos/10206755130381580/

and in shit like this:

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Usually when I do these rants I feel embarrassed afterwards and delete them, but here goes for now:

How the hell am I supposed to feel about that? Why am I the one who gets these particular tags? I guess the reasons why are pretty obvious – they are the same reasons that I don’t have a profile picture. I was born with a busted up goddamned face, (bilateral cleft lip and palate) but that doesn’t mean that I am STUPID. Far from it; and I know when I am being slighted. The woman that sent me the meme hasn’t even talked to me in damn near a decade so… wtf?

Am I just being hyper-sensitive and misreading something here? Or does being tagged in stuff like this basically amount to a subtle and shitty slight? Somebody tell me.

Maybe the intentions behind the tags were not cruel ones but what the fuck, people?! Since some people fail to grasp the obvious, let me provide a fucking clue! Disabled or damaged people DO NOT FUCKING APPRECIATE OR ENJOY being tagged in STUPID SHIT that reminds them that they are disabled or damaged! Fuck!!!

Over the years, several people on my friends list here, have, in little fucked up ways, made me feel like I can’t be myself here; poking fun at any and every little goddamned thing, and yes, I AM hyper-sensitive, it comes from life-long harassment. Still, everything from goddamned music video posts, to statuses about my hurt feelings due to a shitty and now dissolved friendship, to the fact that I fucking like BISCOTTI has warranted me rude, judgmental, or otherwise unkind comments here.

This, on top of the fact that “friends” on this page find it perfectly acceptable to tell me that they are going to do something with and/or for me – unsolicited, mind you! You people KNOW that I don’t go around asking people do do shit for me – and then these people just flake off without having done what they purported that they were going to do! When I bitched on my page here not so long ago about 5 people who did exactly that, one person followed through, one person unfriended me, and three of them continued their trend of ignoring me AND the things that they (unsolicited!) said that they would do!

Having so many people consecutively flake on you makes you feel so… inconsequential. Like, people, why the fuck say you gonna do something if your actual intention to follow through hovers somewhere around 0%?! Contrary to what people might think, I’m not mad about the promises that were broken or the shit that I didn’t get. What is pissing me off is that I am apparently the kind of person who gets treated inconsequentially. Hollow words, empty promises, shitty derisive tags designed to make me feel like one of the “special” (not in a good way) or “ugly” people.

Thanks, friends.

I am a misanthrope and a hermit and I abhor, er, avoid people as much as possible, (I wonder why?!) and still the very limited (and almost exclusively unsolicited) interactions I do have with other people go like this.

God damn it people, don’t say you’re going to do things that you have no intention of doing. Just don’t. It’s shitty. And don’t tag damaged or diseased or disabled or otherwise broken people in shit that serves only to remind them that they are damaged or diseased or disabled or otherwise broken. That is also very shitty.

Another clue: It will not endear you to them. It will PISS THEM OFF.

Due to just this brand of happy bullshit, a couple of years ago, I made a fake Facebook account and that’s where I am the real me – where I post the stuff I really want to post. (And where assholes don’t then proceed to pour derision all over it). A sizable chunk of the people on my friends list here don’t deserve that side of me. A whole three people on my friends list here were found worthy to be added as a friend on that page…. and guess what? They – and the rest of the friends over there, the “stranger “friends? They don’t shit on me.

It’s pretty damn sad when a bunch of strangers that you friend-ed up with because you all like the same stupid band are better “friends” than people you really know, isn’t it?

Once I have my goddamned teeth – (because I communicate with my medical driver through this profile) I will in all likelihood deactivate this account, at least until I can think of a reason to log back into it without getting pissed off all over again.

This is not a cry for attention nor do I want, or fuck, frankly, even expect for people to implore me to stay. I’m just sick of this particular goddamned reality where everyone is so goddamned derisive and dismissive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, that ↑ is what I posted on Facebook. I have since hid it and came here to vent more in what will probably be another rambling and semi-coherent post, about… basically, being ugly, I guess.  I am going to write now and will call Mad/Sad/Bad Part II ←(and will link it here when I am done with it). 😦 😥

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