The Chronic – not Weed, but Groin Pain

inguinal-hernia-groin-swellings-6-638I was born with an inguinal hernia, one of just many physical problems.

I had the hernia surgically repaired when I was 4 years old and have had chronic pain issues ever since. All through my childhood I always felt delicate and somehow stretched in my groin region on the right side. I always had to be careful with myself when I was riding a bike, climbing trees, swimming down at the old swimmin’ hole, skateboarding, or whatever.

When I was homeless for the second time, I took a job washing dishes – it was supposed to be a one-time thing, a single shift. I was covering a shift for Terry, a crackhead at the shelter who had smoked too much crack to go to work. That job ended up changing the course of my life in many ways.

Weird how seemingly small decisions can do that, no?

They fired the crackhead and hired me on a permanent basis, and it wasn’t long until I graduated from dishwasher to server. One day the ice maker in the soda machine broke so I was instructed to haul buckets of ice from the larger ice maker behind the line and dump them into the soda dispenser’s ice reservoir. In order to do this I had to hoist full buckets of ice over my head and I felt a ripping pain in my groin at the site of the old, repaired hernia. Of course I did!  My problems with the chronic groin pain have been amplified ever since this day.  This was back around the time the towers fell, give or take 6 months. This chronic groin pain has plagued me for a very long time.

I ended up in the ER a couple of times across the years, I have had multiple sonograms, not due to pregnancy (thank God) but looking for the source of the chronic pain, and on one most unfortunate occasion I was given an exploratory sonogram via vaginal wand.  That was absolutely horrible, horrible, horrible horrible!!!! Bizarre! Invasive!! Also, mortifying. They claim to not see anything wrong with me outside of the old scar tissue there, other than “minimal nerve entrapment”.

I ended up going to a pain clinic and getting multiple injections of Bupivacaine and Epinephrine injected directly into my groin  – the site of the nerve entrapment – with a series of shots. Not just one. It was horrible!  It helped the pain a little bit – for about 2 weeks – but then the effect would fade away.  It was hardly worth the 8 or 10 needles to the belly twice a month and ultimately too expensive for my white trash po’-people health insurance to maintain, anyway

I ended up at a job where I was forced to move large, heavy downriggers even though I had confessed at my interview that I was physically delicate and chemically sensitive. I had been told I would be doing cashier work. I should have quit that job before I was fired – I was fired for having a shit attitude. It was (hopefully) the last job I would ever have. I was given multiple reasons to have had a shit attitude there and I do not regret it. The owner KNEW I was MCS when he hired me and two months after he hired me he hired a perfume covered little skank – between that and the being forced to lift and move heavy, greasy, fish-stinking, filthy busted-ass down-riggers bullshit – when I ended up in the ER with ruptured ovarian cysts 12 days after he hired me – I had every reason to be a flaming cunt. It has been proven that chemical exposures make us (canaries) that way, angry or weepy, so I am literally exempt from blame.

Of course in lifting the down-riggers I hurt myself again. It wasn’t long after that they fired me.

I have been through hell with it, I have had a series of ruptured ovarian cysts, it’s all been just one more pain in the ass in my life. Doctors claim they can’t see what’s wrong with me – I bet if I were a rich bitch instead of a welfare bitch, they could see it in a hurry.  This chronic groin pain, combined with the constant low-grade hip ache caused by bone being cut out of both of my hips at different times in different cities in different attempts at fixing my face, well, it took a lot of the fun out of sex. It is, in fact, a large part of the reason I am celibate today, and have been since 2010.

Well, that, and the fact that nobody likes me.  😆 😢


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