The Lonely Sucka-Foo’

Here’s another sad tale for the “I Can’t Keep a Friend!” series!

After a series of unfortunate events, in my early 20’s I found myself homeless in Seattle. This was back when Beyonce was still just a member of Destiny’s Child, and Britney and Justin ruled the world. This was back before the world would watch the towers fall.

I met several of my dearest and simultaneously most despised friends in the homeless community at that time. The dear ones tear you up the most when the betrayal comes. In my life it always does. Friend? Family? It doesn’t matter. Every single time.

One of these friends was a sad sack I’ll call Patrick. Patrick and I always hung around another jerk I’ll eventually blog about, oh he really takes the cake, yeah, our good old buddy Jimmy.

During the first three years of our triangular friendship, we were varying degrees of homeless. Some of us were homeless, and some of us were what we called halfway homeless. Eventually all three of us were halfway homeless but Patrick fucked it up for himself by being a fucktard. More on that later.


By “halfway homeless”, I mean that there was – and probably still is – a group in Seattle that operates multiple homeless shelters. This group draws the bulk of its employees from the more competent of the homeless people that they shelter. As an employee, we got to live in a REAL HOUSE and paid a paltry $60/month as rent… but we had to do 4 to 8 shelter shifts a month… go and pick up the keys… the screen books, the logs, etc. show up on time to let people in, boot people out by a certain time (usually very early) in the morning, bust up fights, prevent drug use on shelter property, all that good shit.

There were multiple houses for the employees, and at the time we were all in, we were in different houses. So Jimmy & I have nothing to do with this bit of idiocy. Patrick’s house needed a refrigerator. Nobody had any money but Patrick, everybody was getting paid “next week”. So Patrick’s dumb ass paid for a new refrigerator… around $800 – with the understanding that that miserable lot of half-homeless fucks would pay him their share the next week. All of this just on their word.

Do you think a single one of them paid him anything? Ha! Ha! Yeah, right. Good one.

So, he didn’t have his rent money because nobody paid him back. He got kicked out of the house. He had to leave his refrigerator there. Where the fuck was he going to take it?! he was homeless!

Dude isn’t very bright, see? There was another whole scene I’m not even going to detail involving some retarded shit he got into as a “Secret Shopper”.

When I had to leave WA, the internet was firmly established and he was interested. He used my departure as an excuse to finally buy himself a computer – so we could “stay in touch”. Right.

Remember MySpace? Remember how it didn’t matter who you were, what you looked like, what gender, you would get these stupid fake scammy romance-soliciting messages accompanied by clearly stolen photos? Patrick, that fucking idiot. He got sucked into it.

He’s still sending money to one of those fake-profile romance scammer bitches. A creature that calls itself “Comfort Kwatia”. I mean, even assuming it is a girl. Most of those Ghana Romance Scammers are not even female. Google shows lots of evidence for that name being used in a myriad of romance scams…. but Boy Bright is too special in his head to pick up on such an overt clue.

It’s not even just that he’s sending her money though… it’s that he sent her so much he made himself homeless again because of it, after he had gotten himself out of homelessness and into a respectable sous chef job. He has a tremendous pile of unpaid bills because of it. He lied to and ultimately disowned me, his other friends, and even his siblings and parents for this online bitch-baby. He has now been sending her money for about 6 years.

The thing is… she steals pictures from different women!  It’s not even the same woman each time! And still, he buys it. I have proved to him – with links!! – that her pictures are stolen (God Bless Google Image Search!) and STILL… he buys it.  It’s sick.

He’s sick, I tell you! Sick!

Get this…  he has no receipts. No proof. No paperwork. Absolutely nothing. Nothing!! Yet, he thinks he owns a business in Ghana. He doesn’t take any of the $$ of course, because “she needs it more”.

I told him off on Facebook  and then he unfriended me. A few months later he apologized and begged me to accept him back (as a friend and a Facebook friend), and lied about having seen the light, realizing he had been scammed, and having broke up with his little cyber-bitch. I stupidly took him back, and then soon after, when I messaged him that my mother had committed suicide, he ignored me.

Not long after that I found out he had lied to his family and to me about the alleged break-up, and he was in fact still sending hundreds of dollars to this bitch in Ghana. This… even after she almost got him arrested trying to cash a fraudulent check for her.

I found out because of a big fight that he had with his dad and his sister on his Facebook wall about it.

So…. I reported all of his fake whore’s fake profiles to Facebook and got most of them deleted. Then I unfriended and blocked him.

He is a very special kind of stupid that I am not equipped to deal with.

We had been friends for 16 years.  😦

Wanna know what really burns about this?

After three years of the halfway homeless shit I said “fuck that” and got an apartment. I lived in that apartment for 10 years. There were many MANY nights that Jimmy and/or Patrick were homeless that I let them crash in my spare bedroom rent-free. At Christmas, we would get each other the kind of shitty presents that poor and homeless people got each other. Socks. Gloves. An Archie Comic (used, even). Some of those shitty one-dollar boxes of chocolate covered cherries that they have in the drug stores around Christmas time. You know…. something. Well, by “we” I mean Jimmy & I.

Patrick skipped out on the gifting altogether and justified it by food and marijuana contributions. But…. Jimmy & I had also made food and marijuana contributions to our sad little poor people holiday each year so we were like… “um… alrighty then!” Of course we got him gifts but he never got us anything. Over the years it got to be so that Jimmy & I would get each other gifts that cost maybe $25 – but we got gifts for him that cost maybe $5. He – empty handed no less – dared to act miffed by this. He couldn’t even give us – people that he was homeless with and knew for well over a decade at that point – the shittiest of Poor People gifts on Christmas Day… but he could send this picture of a pair of tits on a computer screen literal thousands of dollars?


How exactly does that work?





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